I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
