he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
