I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
