ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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