Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
