I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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