Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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