Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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