I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are all done wearing pants today
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The adults are the big ones right?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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