Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
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she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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