I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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