Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish i was in the wii world.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
