He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
