He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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