i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Terrible idea I love it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
