I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize