How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
