the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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