Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
