addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
