Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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