I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
