Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
