hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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