Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so fucking centered right now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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