are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
