I CAN MOONWALK!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize