Welp...herpes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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