I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
