I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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