my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
