I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wish there were birth control emojis
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
