omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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