she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm both gender and math confused
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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