He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
