We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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