I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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