You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
