EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
