One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
