What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You took a bar mat shot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
