Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please, let me fuck your mom
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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