If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
