allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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