Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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