she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
