I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
