i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
