I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ok first of all what the fuck
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
