now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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