Umm I'm too high to move.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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