Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
