I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
