Pappa wants mamma naked
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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