When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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