I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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