you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
