none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's always time for handjobs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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