No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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