just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I will die if light touches me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
