My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
