I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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