In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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