Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
