Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
