I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
