Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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