Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You are the jesus of drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
