hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
