Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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