dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
