summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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