Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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