Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
