you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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