So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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